Naruto Rants on Pairings Pt 1
by Punk Alchemist
Summary: Naruto decides to have a little rant on PAIRINGS. Rated T for mild language and little shounenai
1. Naruto Rants on Pairings

Naruto Rants on Pairings Pt. 1

Hehe, yes. My first creation for is Naruto ranting about pairings.

Warning: He may bash some pairings you might like. You have been warned. Enjoy!

Note: I do not own Naruto, no matter how much I might like to... Oh yeah, SPOILERS!!!

Alright, I guess I (Naruto Uzumaki, believe it!) should clear up a few things, huh? First things first for all you Narusaku or

Sakunaru or whatever fans out there. It's. Not. Happening. Sakura and I are NOT going to be together. I have accepted this fact

long ago. She likes Sasuke. Though, we also know this isn't happening, either. What straight guy has 'uke' in his name? X3 And did I

mention his Shippuuden outfit? Can we call Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on that one, please? And yet, Sakura still wants him... And, if I may ask,

where the fuck do you people get the ideas for some of these pairings?! Out of your asses?! Half the crack pairings that have been

created are with people that haven't even met or, rather, people that barely know each other! Deidara X Ino? Yuck! and what's up with

Sasori X Sakura? SHE KILLED HIM!!! I've ran across Lee X Sakura, too... Don't tell Sakura, but I like that one X3 Ugly babies, thought, huh?

Pink hair with bushy eyebrows and big, bug eyes 0.o Sounds scary... Well, off that subject, I myself seem to be the 'ultimate uke' for you people.

What, am I just not seme material? For God's sake, you made me uke to GAARA! Well, he would probably have to be seme...so aggressive...

The most famous pairing with me, I noticed, was Sasunaru. I pondered this and realized this wasn't COMPLETE crack. I mean, though

accidental, we _did _kiss. There _are_ small hints of Sasunaru in the series. He's not bad looking, I guess. Not ridiculously good looking,

but not aw-... You know what, never mind... Anyway, I discovered lemons, but was confused with the term. Thinking Sasuke and I were having

a lemon eating contest, I foolishly clicked... You people have destroyed my mind. Everytime I think of or see Sasuke... Well, you don't want to

know... Hn, ramen time! Guess I'll have to finish this rant later, believe it!

Author's Note: ridiculously good looking from Zoolander

I discovered lemons, but was confused with the term... true story about how I first discovered

lemons...no lie...X3


	2. Akatsuki Rants on Pairings

Naruto Rants on Pairings Pt. 2

Akatsuki's Turn

Itachi: I am Itachi Uchiha...

Deidara: Noooo I wanna go first, un!

Tobi: No, me! Tobi is a good boy!

Kisame: What about me?

Sasori: Let me go first I don't want to wait.

Kakuzu: Money money money!!!

Hidan: Why can't I go first?

Pein: I should go first. I am the leader of this organization.

Konan: Well I'm the only girl...

Zetsu: OM NOM NOM!!

All: 0.o

RANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANT

Naruto: -- It WAS my rant. I guess I'll have to speak for these idiots...This is the continuation of my original rant, except it's the Akatsuki's turn to rant on pairings.

Deidara: Yeah, un!

Sasori: Must you always be so energetic...

Deidara: --

Naruto: -sweatdrop- Anyway...so, let me just throw a pairing out there...Kisaita anyone?

Itachi 0/\o

Kisame: Hehehe I mean uh ew...

Deidara: Kisaita, un? THAT'S A PAIRING?!

Naruto: Indeed it is.

Pein: Well, you learn something new everyday, I suppose -holding in laughter-

Itachi: -/\-

Naruto: -sweatdrop- Ah, well...

Itachi: Let me just take over this, shall I? If there are no objections... -mangekyou sharingan-

All: 0.o

Pein: -rolls eyes-

RANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANT

Alright, then. I, Itachi, Uchiha, shall take over this mess of a rant on PAIRINGS. Pairings in the Akatsuki, of course. WHAT. THE. HELL. You fans must have NOTHING better to do than to make up rants about us, hn? I mean, sure, they're amusing AT FIRST. Of course, they're always amusing if they're not about me. I could care less about the others, but that's not the point. KISAITA. That's just gross. First of all, HE'S A SHARK. Or, rather, first of all, HE'S A HE. Then, secondly, HE'S A SHARK. Thirdly, I'M. NEVER. UKE. Uchihas are never uke, so if you must make these disgusting pairings, at least do it right. And, though this isn't Akatsuki related, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE IN PAIRING ME UP WITH MY BROTHER?! THAT'S INCEST!! Or, what you people enjoy calling it, UCHIHACEST!!! -shudders- Wrong on so many levels... Going on, I also noticed ItaNaru...no comment on this one...And then there's ItaSaku...who IS Sakura...? Some pink haired girl with a rather large forehead, I noticed, but who is she, really? You're pairing me up with people I don't even KNOW. You fans must be on the good stuff...and not sharing.

Tobi: TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!

Deidara: Uh-oh, un...

Itachi: Tobi...

Deidara: TOBI! RUN, UN!!

Naruto: -sweatdrop- Well, I guess that ends this little rant for now! I've gotta get outta here, believe it!

RANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANT


	3. Naruto Girls Rant on Pairings

Naruto Rants on Pairings Pt. 3

Girl's Turn

**Please forgive me if I bash any of the girl characters. Some of them i just dont like. . cough sakura cough ino cough**

**Ooo sorry I have a little cold X3. Reminder: I don't own Naruto. If I did...hehehe...**

Sakura: Yay! We finally get to rant!

Ino: I get to rant first, billboard brow!

Sakura: Pig!

Ino: Billboard brow!

Temari: ...

Hinata: C-Can't we take turns...

TenTen: How about we just get it over with? I want to get back to training

with Neji!

Me: I know I'm not a character, but...STFU AND GET THE RANT DONE,

ALREADY!!!

All Girls: 0.o

Me: I'd like to have this done SOMETIME before the new year...oh gawd, I only have today

and tomorrow...

Sakura: Yeah, alright. Well, we ALL know that I'M going to end up with Sasuke-kun!

Ino: IN YOUR DREAMS, BILLBOARD BROW!!

Me: Neither of you are going to end up with him, how does that sound?

Both: What?! Why?!

Me: -fangirl dream- Because he's going to be with Sasuke!

All: NANI?!

Me: -clears throat- I mean, uh...j-just continue with your rant, ne? Since Temari's

pretty neutral, how about you do the ranting?

Temari: -sighs- Fine...

RANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANT

Well, then...rant...I must say, some of these pairings are pretty disgusting. In one word? Yuri. For those of you who don't know

what Yuri is, think SakuraXIno or myself and Hinata. That's just nasty. First of all, these pairings are impossible.

I barely even _know _Hinata. Sakura and Ino hate each other and would much rather enjoy Sasuke's company than

their own, ne? If you DO pair us up, at least pair us up with boys. There are a lot more boys in the Hidden Leaf Village than girls,

so that would make a hell of a lot more sense than just throwing together some random crack pairing and calling it a

day. Use your own common sense...if you have any...

Naruto: So much for my rant...

Me: -sweatdrop- The very first rant was yours...

Naruto: Oh yeah! Hey! You finished the rant!

Me: -blink blink- Hey, I did! Before the new year!!! -chibi dance-

Naruto: Well, not finished. Just updated...

Me: -glare-

Naruto: -sweatdrop- B-but it's just as good!

Me: End rant for now! New one in the new year!!!

**Hehe see? I told you I'd finish! And I didn't even need two days! It IS rather short, don't get me wrong, but, if the next rant is my final one, it will DEFINITELY be the longest, believe it! **


End file.
